Blow You A New Tailpipe
by Nexia Jazilynn Prime
Summary: Coming across Starscream's in-stasis frame in the middle of a fight leads Sideswipe to playing a prank on the Seeker. It's not one of his usual harmless ones either. This prank leads to Starscream being at Hook's mercy... and unfortunately for Starscream, Hook doesn't seem to have any. Especially when it comes to Hook having a chance to blow Screamer up without getting in trouble.


Sideswipe grinned as Starscream took a nosedive, the noisy Decepticon SIC screeching as he headed for the ground. Deeming his work done, Sideswipe jumped off the top of Starscream's alt mode and active his jets, laughing.

"See you next fall Screamer." He taunted before jetting off in search of Skywarp. Sunstreaker was taking care of Thundercracker, so that left Skywarp up to him.

It didn't take him long to find the dim-sparked Con. Skywarp was flying around the battlefield, shooting at any Autobots he could find. His shooting could almost be called random with the way he'd shoot at a bot and then switching to another without even checking to make sure he'd hit.

Whooping with glee, Sideswipe cut the power to his jets and landed on top of Skywarp. The black and purple jet gave a startled cry and warped, trying to ditch his unwanted passenger. When that failed, Skywarp began to warp randomly and pull almost crazy aerobatic stunts.

Sideswipe crowed as he held on tight, ripping into Skywarp's wings and internals. Finally, Skywarp managed to dislodge his passenger and Sideswipe was sent flying straight at the ground.

Sideswipe activated his jets, using them to try and turn himself upright and steady himself back into flight before he crashed. He only half succeeded – he managed to turn himself upright, but he crashed into the ground hard.

Huffing slightly, Sideswipe pushed himself to his pedes and looked around to try and determine where everyone was. A smirk crossed his face as he realized just were it was he had crashed. Not even ten feet away was the in stasis frame of Starscream.

Chuckling darkly, Sideswipe snuck over to Starscream and looked the Seeker over. Starscream was laying on his front, in a way that obviously told he had barely managed to transform to his bi-pedal mode before crashing and had fallen in stasis immediately after.

Sideswipe hummed as he looked Starscream over. This was just too tempting. But just what… ah!

A quiet laugh escaped the frontliner. He had been meaning to test a little something with Sunstreaker… although they had been meaning to test it in battle, this was just as good, if not better.

Grinning, Sideswipe pulled a small, oval object out of his subspace before crouching and gently working the object into Starscream's tailpipe, muffled giggles escaping him as he worked. He finished in less than two minutes before giving Starscream one last look.

"Hope you like surprises Screamer." Sideswipe whispered before activating his jets and taking off to find Skywarp again. He hoped Starscream would at least stay in stasis until the end of the battle. Until then, he'd deal with Skywarp.

"Decepticons, retreat!"

Oh, looks like that's unnecessary after all… another quiet giggle escaped Sideswipe, and he could feel questioning confusion coming from Sunstreaker's end of their twin bond.

/Later./ he told his twin.

Starscream shifted on his berth for nearly the hundredth time in a groon. Skywarp shot him a worried look while Thundercracker huffed and sat up on his own berth, opening his optics to look at his Trine Leader.

"What's wrong? Why do you keep shifting?" Thundercracker asked.

Starscream shifted again, almost tempted to growl at his Trinemate, but the feeling in his tailpipe was starting to hurt a bit and he instead had to stifle a whine.

"Come on Screamer. We know something's wrong. We feel it over the Trine bond." Skywarp piped up, brave enough to speak now that Thundercrack had said something.

Starscream gave a small growl before huffing.

"It's my tailpipe. It feels like there's something jammed up it…" Starscream muttered, but Thundercracker and Skywarp still managed to catch his words.

Thundercracker and Skywarp shot looks at each other before looking at Starscream.

"Then maybe you should go see Hook." Thundercracker said, and Starscream's optics widened before he shook his helm franticly.

"No! He'll probably only shove whatever it is in further just to screw me over!" Starscream exclaimed, a tiny amount of fear in his voice.

Thundercracker vented.

"Would you go if I went along? To make sure he _doesn't_ do any such thing?" Thundercracker asked, and Starscream hesitated before nodding.

Skywarp jumped off his own berth.

"I'll come too!" the black and purple teleporter exclaimed, making his blue and black Trinemate sigh.

"Sure, whatever Skywarp."

Starscream and Thundercracker both got off their berths and followed Skywarp out of their quarters, making their way to the med-bay. Thundercracker and Skywarp entered first, flanking their nervous Trine Leader as he entered the med-bay as well.

"Is there something I can do for you Starscream?"

Starscream nearly screeched and jumped into the air. As it was, Skywarp and Thundercracker had to grab his arms to keep him from turning tail and running back to their berthroom.

"Starscream?"

Starscream shuttered his optics for a moment before opening them, looking at the green and purple medic that was speaking to him.

"I'll ask again, is there something I can do for you?"

Starscream vented.

"Y-yes. I… I need you… to…" Starscream halted. How could he say it without sounded crude?

Thundercracker huffed and looked at his Trine Leader.

"Just say it Screamer."

Starscream vented again, getting a curious look from Hook.

"I… I need you to t-take a look… at my tailpipe." Starscream said.

"Come again?" Hook asked, cocking an optic ridge.

Thundercracker huffed.

"He said he needs you to take a look at his tailpipe."

Hook shot a glare at Thundercracker.

"I heard him. It's just not something I thought I'd heard from Starscream. That's something usually reserved for Courting or Sparkmated bots…" Hook growled at the Seeker.

"Yes, well, this is different. There's something wrong." Thundercracker said curtly.

Hook looked at Starscream for confirmation and the red, white and blue Seeker nodded.

"It… it feels like there's something lodged up my tailpipe." Starscream told the purple and green medic.

Hook huffed.

"Well then, get on the berth and lie down. On your front mind you."

Starscream looked at his Trinemates before slowly approaching one of the medical berths and doing as told. Hook approached him from behind him and Starscream tensed a bit.

"Now Starscream, I'm going to be putting this camera up your tailpipe to see just what you have jammed up there. You need to be relaxed, or the camera won't be able to go up your tailpipe to see anything." Hook told the nervous Seeker.

Starscream whined a bit, but did as told and relaxed. He tensed again when he felt the camera sliding into his tailpipe, but forced himself to relax again with a whine.

Hook hummed as he slowly pushed the camera deeper into Starscream's tailpipe, the camera linked directly to his optics. After a minute, he halted the camera and nodded, pulling the camera back out of Starscream's tailpipe.

"Well?" Starscream asked.

"Well, the bad news is you do indeed have something lodged in your tailpipe." Hook said, making all three Seekers tense. "The good news is I can get it out with no problem."

Starscream whined.

"Please, do it!"

Hook nodded and grabbed a pair of plier-like tools off his table.

"Just relax and I'll have it out in just a few minutes." Hook said, and Starscream whined, but did as told.

Hook slipped the tool into Starscream's tailpipe, working it deeper in with care. He smiled when he reached the object and then gripped it, giving it a small tug.

'Clink'

"Oops."

Starscream's optics widened and panic surged through the red, white and blue Seeker.

Thundercracker and Skywarp snarled at Hook.

"Oops? What do you mean by 'Oops'?" Thundercracker snarled as Hook pulled back from Starscream's tailpipe, the plier-like tools gripping a pin in them.

"I mean 'oops'. Um… Three… Two… One…" Hook said, backing away from Starscream.

Starscream's optics were wide as he watched Hook back away from him. Then absolute pain erupted from his tailpipe and he howled out his agony for everyone on the Nemesis to hear.

Thundercracker and Skywarp could only watch as Starscream's tailpipe (and his entire aft as well) was blown to pieces.

"Well… that's a totally new way of putting 'blow you a new tailpipe' into perspective…" Hook muttered before tossing the tool he was holding and the pin he pulled from Starscream's tailpipe to his table and walking away.


End file.
